“I am triggered” is a most common expression nowadays – but for Gestaltists the remark is only the beginning of an exploration, not an invitation to stop the connection. Staying with the connection to ourselves and to the other is called the Gestalt Cycle of Life.
What is a “trigger”?
When our sense of ourselves in a moment, in a specific context or exchange, becomes unbearable, our body system signals us to make the pain go away. The chemical response is the release of dopamine which is the “gotta fix it” chemical that seeks release from any urgent response. The trigger is part of the body’s lifesaving system and it shields us from the pain of shame and loss as if by so doing, it could save us from that.
The “Army of One” Syndrome
In the process we renew a lifelong belief that we are alone and unsupported, and in those moments of trigger we lack any ability to see a way out. What the trigger cannot prevent is the source of the pain – which has already occurred and which as we know will reoccur over and again in our life.
The Usefulness of Pain
It is the pain of the experience itself – emotional, mental, physical – that provides the information we need to stop the trigger cycle. The pain is speaking to us about an unmet need. It is our own deep knowing that we needed something different, something that wasn’t there, creating a belief that our needs will never be met.
Unmet needs
These are often the simple needs of life. Deep beliefs created in childhood, such as our lack of self worth, keep the knowledge of these needs forbidden. In many cases we think we have no needs or that our expression of them is dangerous. We barely know how to request kindness, better listening, more or less space or time from one another. When trauma has been in our life, unbearable sensations can come from anywhere, producing the classic fight, flight, freeze or surrender response, which even with awareness seems to last as long as it lasts in any one encounter. These responses are referred to as “closing the window of tolerance” – when we feel pain and immediately go to “gotta fix it!”
The Way Back
Unless we are able to explore our response to the pain, we will not uncover our unmet needs, or be able to discover how to meet them, and our trigger response will continue to produce only temporary relief.
Awareness of the trigger itself can be experienced as a window opening rather than a window closing. The Gestalt cycle teaches us we can open the window of tolerance to all feelings – one shaft of daylight at a time. Relapse is part of the process, not an excuse to give up on one’s birthright to feel all that life has to offer – from the joy of being loved and accepted to the sorrow of disappointment and loss.