I recently took part in a discussion about forgiveness. In the room were both spiritual people and psychotherapists. Someone raised the question as to whether or not forgiveness exists. We were from many different countries and looked up the definition in several languages coming up with words like to pardon, to give mercy. Each definition seemed to hold inside of it a dynamic where someone bestows forgiveness on another. We spoke about how important the concept of forgiveness has been for social regulation, to prevent revenge which is so much a part of human history. Was the concept of forgiveness built into our humanity to keep us from releasing our suppressed anger and desire for revenge?

Most of us have faced trauma and shock through human mis-uses of power we call having power over… Because of association with abuse, we spend our entire lives avoiding the feelings of power. As a result of this dis-owned power, when bullies and tyrants present themselves in the world or in our lives, we are once again shocked and diminish our own power. This diminishment of our power is a creative adjustment to communicate to the other to back off, go gentle, but its impact is not that. It takes the willingness to shine to communicate a request for respect.

Gestaltists say that happiness is not the goal, it arrives with the sense of open-ness which is a by-product of our relational approach. Finding the joy of life, knowing we are able to be what we want to be, including our wounds in our sense of self, trusting not only ourselves but others, trusting there will always be a next step for us, a ground under our feet – these are the fruits of “the work.” But we know we live in a society in which the work is never done, the fruit is never harvested, in which the moments of victory never seem to last long before we are onto the next thing. Because of this moments of expansion, of joy, pass us by, and we spend thousands of dollars on addictions and holidays to try to make happiness a goal.

The root of the word resolution is to loosen, to become free of (as to resolve). Here are eight Gestalt-inspired resolutions you can choose from to begin 2017 with more freedom.

For some of us, the month of December means family gatherings which are an opportunity to meet in a new way any of those people who have pushed our buttons in previous gatherings. For those of us for whom such events come at another time of year, this teaching may be pulled out again on those special occasions. Of course it is not necessary to wait for special occasions – opportunities to confront button pushers come every day.