My teacher Jorge Rosner had a simple approach for transforming the I should’s (but I don’t wanna) of life. He told us: When you are facing an inner struggle between Act and Afraid to Act, Just ask yourself: Will I or won’t I? And then: What’s the worst that can happen if I do or I don’t? He recommended we imagine the worst possible outcome, and only then decide I will or I won’t.

I hear voices in my head. I expect I always will. They’re all versions of me — in stereo usually — in conversation with various departed ones, mentors, and intruders from my past. I am narrating my life to myself, more or less, all the time. I suspect we all are.

I recently took part in a discussion about forgiveness. In the room were both spiritual people and psychotherapists. Someone raised the question as to whether or not forgiveness exists. We were from many different countries and looked up the definition in several languages coming up with words like to pardon, to give mercy. Each definition seemed to hold inside of it a dynamic where someone bestows forgiveness on another. We spoke about how important the concept of forgiveness has been for social regulation, to prevent revenge which is so much a part of human history. Was the concept of forgiveness built into our humanity to keep us from releasing our suppressed anger and desire for revenge?

Most of us have faced trauma and shock through human mis-uses of power we call having power over… Because of association with abuse, we spend our entire lives avoiding the feelings of power. As a result of this dis-owned power, when bullies and tyrants present themselves in the world or in our lives, we are once again shocked and diminish our own power. This diminishment of our power is a creative adjustment to communicate to the other to back off, go gentle, but its impact is not that. It takes the willingness to shine to communicate a request for respect.

Soft spots are what I love to explore with my clients – how can we become supported enough in ourselves that we can be receptive, available, open to the other and connection. Yes, we need our hardness too and our ability to express ourselves. Yet, if we don’t know what is inside of us, the parts that we might hide from our friends and our lovers and yes, ourselves, then how do we express what is true?